Boner Jams and Romantic Ephemera
"Don't need to get it off my chest or have a dialogue/ So, save it for your blog - The one that no one wants to read because it's all about your feelings!" - Dites Donc!
Part of me thinks it's maybe just a little lame that my most recent "breakup" (and with it, the relationship) of any significance happened so long ago. Reflecting back on it now well over a year later and realizing just how dumb and immature I was about the breakup (and preceding relationship) in fact was does much to confirm this lameness in my mind. Lame that it may be, this recent reflection has caused me to realize how important this event may actually have been. Really, it was a transformative, codifying experience that introduced me to the idea of "romantic ephemera" the allowed me to better understand the myriad breakup ceremonies: the exchange of belongings, the removal of ex-related photographs, letters and gifts from daily life, and ultimately starting on the long road to catharsis through the creation of tangible goods. These are all helpful exercises that I believe speed the recovery process along. The last one brings both good and bad things.
Romantic ephemera, as I understand it, is a lot like normal ephemera. Artifacts (ephemeron) produced as the result of some sort of romantic effort (be it in courtship, mid-relationship, or postmortem) that is created sincerely in the spirit of permanence but in most cases (particularly for the former two) have a very limited shelf life indeed. The recipient might only enjoy these items for a limited time - such as the lifespan of the relationship, at the end of which they may possibly be sequestered away in a box somewhere or destroyed as part of the owner's own breakup ceremony. We often make things for ourselves that can be classified as romantic ephemera. These are the most interesting to me. These objects - perhaps because they helped us get over a momentary hurdle in life, perhaps because they are so spectacularly self-indulgent - might enjoy a longer shelf life. Recently there was an amazing This American Life episode all about breakups in which correspondent Starlee Kine enlisted the help of none other than Phil-fucking-Collins to help her write a song to get over her own recent breakup. A lot of what made this segment so appealing, I think, is that it took the everyday, pedestrian, totally-relatable practice of creating romantic ephemera to the most awesome extreme (Phil-fucking-Collins!).
romantic ephemera, circa 2002
Part of me thinks it's maybe just a little lame that my most recent "breakup" (and with it, the relationship) of any significance happened so long ago. Reflecting back on it now well over a year later and realizing just how dumb and immature I was about the breakup (and preceding relationship) in fact was does much to confirm this lameness in my mind. Lame that it may be, this recent reflection has caused me to realize how important this event may actually have been. Really, it was a transformative, codifying experience that introduced me to the idea of "romantic ephemera" the allowed me to better understand the myriad breakup ceremonies: the exchange of belongings, the removal of ex-related photographs, letters and gifts from daily life, and ultimately starting on the long road to catharsis through the creation of tangible goods. These are all helpful exercises that I believe speed the recovery process along. The last one brings both good and bad things.
Romantic ephemera, as I understand it, is a lot like normal ephemera. Artifacts (ephemeron) produced as the result of some sort of romantic effort (be it in courtship, mid-relationship, or postmortem) that is created sincerely in the spirit of permanence but in most cases (particularly for the former two) have a very limited shelf life indeed. The recipient might only enjoy these items for a limited time - such as the lifespan of the relationship, at the end of which they may possibly be sequestered away in a box somewhere or destroyed as part of the owner's own breakup ceremony. We often make things for ourselves that can be classified as romantic ephemera. These are the most interesting to me. These objects - perhaps because they helped us get over a momentary hurdle in life, perhaps because they are so spectacularly self-indulgent - might enjoy a longer shelf life. Recently there was an amazing This American Life episode all about breakups in which correspondent Starlee Kine enlisted the help of none other than Phil-fucking-Collins to help her write a song to get over her own recent breakup. A lot of what made this segment so appealing, I think, is that it took the everyday, pedestrian, totally-relatable practice of creating romantic ephemera to the most awesome extreme (Phil-fucking-Collins!).
romantic ephemera, circa 2002
While not completely universal, the creation of post-breakup romantic ephemera is a common enough practice. As Cory mentioned in a previous post, some of the finest works of art were inspired by breakups. Some of the most mediocre works are as well. Everyone I know does it. Starlee Kine did it and put it on the radio. Some people make mix tapes, others albums. Even more bake the most fantastic food. I blog, apparently.
I wrote this essay, in fact.
It's about how over time I created my own "cinematic mix tape" (Casablanca, Play It Again, Sam and When Harry Met Sally) that I would watch to help me get over "lady issues." It's why this breakup is, in retrospect, so important - and actually, the more that I think about it, kind of disastrous. It caused me to examine why I do certain things, why I watch certain films when I feel certain ways. It brought subconscious responses to light in a way that was at once both tremendously freeing and damaging. It helped me understand how I cope, but it codified the mechanism and maybe made it all less interesting. Even in situations that would arguably triggered the cathartic cycle would occur, I haven't watched any of these films since I wrote that post. I would consciously think about it. "I should watch Casablanca," but I never do. I'm not really sure why. The first cut is the deepest? Maybe no romantic hiccup since has really been worth it? All I know is that writing that essay seems to have ruined this cycle for me.
While discussing this topic just now, my friend Russ has brought up an extraordinarily good point regarding this whole mess "being self-conscious about ephemera will ruin your future relationship(s). All the stuff you "find" won't be found - it will have been stored ahead of time. What's left is like Found Magazine. It's only interesting because it isn't yours." I think this is why things like this post, or a break up mix, or even a great works of art inspired by breakups are truly ephemeral for their authors.
The effect of the blog post is temporary. It helped me get over a dark time in my life - but its use is over now and I need to move on to something new. Relying too much on what that post revealed as a sort of romantic crutch can only negatively effect my future growth. The cinematic mix tape is an artifact of that relationship and that relationship only. It's time to make something else.
geo.
I wrote this essay, in fact.
It's about how over time I created my own "cinematic mix tape" (Casablanca, Play It Again, Sam and When Harry Met Sally) that I would watch to help me get over "lady issues." It's why this breakup is, in retrospect, so important - and actually, the more that I think about it, kind of disastrous. It caused me to examine why I do certain things, why I watch certain films when I feel certain ways. It brought subconscious responses to light in a way that was at once both tremendously freeing and damaging. It helped me understand how I cope, but it codified the mechanism and maybe made it all less interesting. Even in situations that would arguably triggered the cathartic cycle would occur, I haven't watched any of these films since I wrote that post. I would consciously think about it. "I should watch Casablanca," but I never do. I'm not really sure why. The first cut is the deepest? Maybe no romantic hiccup since has really been worth it? All I know is that writing that essay seems to have ruined this cycle for me.
While discussing this topic just now, my friend Russ has brought up an extraordinarily good point regarding this whole mess "being self-conscious about ephemera will ruin your future relationship(s). All the stuff you "find" won't be found - it will have been stored ahead of time. What's left is like Found Magazine. It's only interesting because it isn't yours." I think this is why things like this post, or a break up mix, or even a great works of art inspired by breakups are truly ephemeral for their authors.
The effect of the blog post is temporary. It helped me get over a dark time in my life - but its use is over now and I need to move on to something new. Relying too much on what that post revealed as a sort of romantic crutch can only negatively effect my future growth. The cinematic mix tape is an artifact of that relationship and that relationship only. It's time to make something else.
geo.
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Challenge 06Comments:
Patrick said:
real talk.
10:53 PM on 10/07/07
man, i didn't even know you had a girlfriend
10:04 PM on 10/07/07