It Seemed Too Dark

My favorite song about relationships (or "break up song") of all time
just so happens to have been made by one of my closest friends. I
met my friend Matthew the first year that I lived in Grand Rapids, MI
while going to school at Grand Valley State University. Gradually we
started to hang out more and eventually began to play music
together. I ended up moving to Los Angeles after I graduated from
school and a year later he moved out to live in L.A. and attend
school at Art Center in Pasadena, CA. He moved in with my friend and
I and we started to play music together again.

Very often I would have to trick my friend into recording. In fact,
this has actually caused a few arguments between us, but I've come to
understand the idea better over time. There's something important
that happens only when you're not "trying" and just creating for
yourself in the moment, unaware that someone is documenting your
actions. Some of my favorite music and art seems to come from a
place that is based in improvisation and is unmotivated by making it
for others to hear or see. The best things I've done or been a part
of creating musically or otherwise, could never be recreated because
they could have only happened that specific way at that specific time.

Matthew has a habit of playing and making up some of the most amazing
songs off the top of his head while there is no tape rolling. In this
case though, I was able to catch him in the middle of one of his sub-
conscious-zone-out-rambling-at-the-piano episodes, that would tend to
take place at our house more often then not. I remember walking in
and liking the melody he had started to put together slowly in a kind
of weird pattern that sounded upbeat and a little sad at the same
time. So I rushed to grab my tape recorder and quietly set it on the
top of the piano in front of him while his head was down staring at
the keys, I'm not sure if he realized I was recording, but I remember
hoping that he didn't. I let the tape player go, but at the same
time cued up my new laptop on the other side of the room to record
through the mixer I had set up next to the piano the week earlier,
it wasn't really an ideal set up for recording, but I wanted to give
it a shot. After pressing "start" on my computer, I crept over to
the other side of the room and sat down.

After Matthew stopped playing he went in his room and I pressed stop
on the tape player and the laptop. At the time I wasn't really sure
if it worked nor did I remember anything he sang or what it sounded
like. I just wanted to see how it would turn out. Later that night
I transfered from the tape onto my laptop and had two tracks to work
with. There was a lot more to the session then what it ended up
being, but I feel like the really important parts recorded well and I
was able to capture. There was something that happened to the tape
when it recorded, that you can hear halfway through the song. It
sort of breaks down and gets distorted, as my tape player was tending
to do at the time, so it seemed like a logical time for the recording
to switch from tape to the computer. I think it took me about two
hours to mix and get it sounding even, I'm not producer by any means,
and I was just learning how to make things on my laptop, but once I
got it to a finished point, I played it for Matthew. I remember he
really hated it, and I didn't know why. I happen to be a huge fan of
nearly everything he does musically, so it makes me a little biased
to say the least. But I really thought it was incredible. For one,
I knew he was making it up as he went along, with no pre-conceived
notions or practice, and two, it seemed very genuine and heartfelt.
I knew that the relationship where this song comes from was very hard
for him to talk about and he didn't seem to be very happy about me
recording him, but I still thought it was very special. After a very
drawn out discussion and a little bit of prodding, I persuaded him to
not have me "delete it".

Since then, Matthew and I have recorded quite a bit together,
specifically in that house and in the past year or so. But this
track remains as one of my favorite songs that he's put together.
There's something very nice about being a "fan" of your friends.
I'll be the first to say that I'm very lucky to know some of the best
people in the world who seem to just get better at what they do as
time goes on. I wanted to share this song because I feel like its a
good example of how something really incredible can come from
heartache and pain. As with everything that my friends make, I hope
you enjoy it as much as I do.

It Seemed Too Dark.mp3

Lyrics:
On the way back to,
your house you wanted to kiss in my car

But it was raining too hard
and i can't see well in the dark
so i turned away
from you

In the mail I received half your heart
it looked like a t-shirt from texas
two photographs

Do you still hang that lion up or out?
I bought it from the chinese ghost on the way to the tower that
looked like my southern parts

I can't fix your bike 'cause its too cold and my hands hurt
I apologized to your parents 'cause i got too sauced up at your
recital's reception and I was embarassed to talk
and your gay friend was dancing with girls that he tried to kiss on
the lips
tried to kiss on the lips

I said sorry for hurting your heart,
but it seemed too dark